


This life

by into_the_fire



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, yeehaw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2020-05-16 16:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19322194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/into_the_fire/pseuds/into_the_fire
Summary: A unexpected discovery causes Arthur to rethink his relationship with Josiah. But when Arthur reaches a crossroads, will he realise who he really wants in his life?





	1. To the Trelawnys

“Arthur! Get up here son!” The all too recognisable voice of Dutch called. Arthur looked up and saw the man who practically raised him waving and beckoning him to the balcony of Shady Belle.

 

“Comin’ Dutch” Arthur shouted from the campfire. He knew what this was going to be about. _Money, faith, loyalty_ , he thought as he climbed the stairs, avoiding the creakier steps which he feared would break under his weight.

 

“What you doin’ up here Dutch?” Arthur asked when he reached the balcony.

 

“Thinking. Planning.” Dutch replied, leaning against a post and looking over the camp. The women were being hassled by Mrs Grimshaw, as usual, except for Molly, who had taken to sitting at the edge of camp alone most mornings. Lenny and Sadie were on guard duty, both brandishing shotguns. Dutch turned away from this and faced Arthur.

 

“We need money. Now, Hosea and I have some big things in the works, the bank, maybe… Micah has informed me of some ideas, good ones too.”

 

Arthur sighed “Micah? Really? D’you wanna shoot up another goddamn town?”

 

Dutch ignored Arthurs interruption and continued. “In the meantime, we need to tackle the smaller jobs. Houses. Stores. Rich folk who won’t notice a dime missing. I need you to head on over to Saint Denis and find something. Check the empty houses, take every opportunity you can.”

 

“Whatever. This has gotta stop soon Dutch. We’ve been lucky in the past, but soon, its gonna go wrong, really wrong, and we won’t be able to get outta it…”

 

“Where’s your faith Arthur? Your loyalty?” Dutch glared at Arthur and waved him away. “Go. Trelawny is already out there scouting for business in the city so if you see him, tell him to think big”

 

Arthur simply nodded and turned, leaving Dutch alone again on the balcony, his mind drifting at the mention of Trelawny as he left the mansion. He and Trelawny had gotten close before Blackwater, only revealing their feelings when Trelawny returned after Arthur’s fight at the Valentine saloon. Trelawny had fixed Arthurs injuries and cleaned him up, before renting him a hotel room. It was there that Trelawny confessed (“Dear boy, I think I have developed, um, feelings for you”), and Arthur reciprocated, despite holding back of course (“You don’t want me, I ain’t worth your time, I ain’t good enought”). Arthur had given in after a few days of Trelawny convincing him that he did in fact, want this relationship. They knew it was frowned upon, and the fear was always in the back of Arthur’s mind that somebody would find out, but really, he didn’t care. He and Trelawny would spend as much time together as possible, mostly meeting outside of camp or trying to set up jobs together. Arthur realised the extent of his feelings when he rescued Josiah from the bounty hunters back in Rhodes – he had almost lost his partner that day and didn’t want to repeat that. Ever.

 

Arthur’s thoughts came to a halt with the sound of John Marston chopping wood.

 

“That’s it, hate the log Marston, not yourself” Arthur joked, amused by the ridiculous sight of John trying to remove the axe from the wood.

 

“Shut up! Get outta here Morgan!” John continued with his chore as Arthur started to laugh and prepared his horse for the ride to Saint Denis.

 

“You’re alright girl” He murmured as he mounted up and cantered out of camp, humming to himself quietly as he rode on.

 

 After a twenty-minute ride, Arthur could see the outline of the factories and flats that made up Saint Denis. _God, I hate this place_ , he thought as he rode past the trains and docks. Coming to a stop, he opened his journal and flipped through the pages. He had gotten a tip a few days ago from a prisoner he had helped (by shooting through his shackles) about a man who was in possession of a few items which could be worth a small fortune. _Worth a try,_ Arthur contemplated, as he made a mental note of the address and pushed his horse into a trot. He observed the city kids pickpocketing the adults and darting down the nearest alley, the rich folk strutting around in their garments ignoring the homeless beggars on the street corners. He shook his head at the city life and continued.

 

After a while he arrived in the area. There were a few houses around, but the address he had been given didn’t have a house number. _Damn_. Arthur decided he was going to have to check them all until he found the right one. _Might make some more money along the way_ , he thought to himself. The closest door was up a small flight of stairs _. Looks pretty nice_ , Arthur observed as he slowly climbed the stairs, trying to be quiet. There was a small window close to the door. Ready to bang on the door and follow his usual routine, he raised his arm. But before he could, his attention was drawn to the window.

 

“That was absolutely delicious my dear!” A familiar British voice boomed from inside.

 

Arthur froze. _Is – is that Josiah? No, it can’t be, he doesn’t… he would have told… he’s married? Wha-_

“To the Trelawnys! It’s good to be home!”

 

Any chance of the voice being somebody else had gone. There was no mistaking it, it was Trelawny. Arthur crouched next to the window so that Trelawny and whoever else was in the house would not see him, but so he could still hear.

 

“To the Trelawnys!” Two voices replied. Children’s voices. Arthur felt like he had been stabbed in the chest. He couldn’t breathe.

 

_He has kids? A whole family? Why didn’t he say somethin’? We’ve been sweet on each other for months… He’s been with the gang for longer… how ain’t this been mentioned!_

Arthur felt sick. And angry. And betrayed. Not wanting to hear any more, he stormed back down the stairs, unhitched his horse, and left. He didn’t care about the job, he wanted to run away, far away from Saint Denis, and from Josiah Trelawny.

 

Arthur didn’t return back to camp until the following afternoon. Not wanting to talk to anybody, he put his head down and tried to avoid everyone.

 

“Where’ve you been Mr Morgan?” Mrs Grimshaw asked in a demanding tone.

 

“Out” Arthur snapped, and continued to trek past the tents and wagons.  He ignored the greetings of some of the other gang members and internally pleaded _please don’t follow me, leave me alone!_ He finally reached the outskirts of camp, away from the general area where the gang stayed, and close to where the swamp began. He sat down on a log and sighed. Many moments had been spent with Trelawny here, as they had often slipped away from nights when the gang was especially rowdy to be together. Arthur found himself remembering times they had shared; the afternoon that they went fishing and Josiah got the line caught in a tree, when Josiah tried to teach Arthur how to do magic tricks, and the nights simply spent under the stars in each others company. He pulled out his journal.

 

Arthur scribbled and sketched for what felt like an age. Really, it had only been a few minutes. Behind him, he could hear footsteps approaching, the mud squelching beneath their feet from the previous night’s rain. _If this is Uncle or Swanson…_ Arthur rolled his eyes and slammed his journal shut before swinging around on the log to see who was approaching.

 

“I’ve been looking for you, dear boy!”

 

Trelawny was back.


	2. Family

Trelawny approached Arthur, giving him a small wave and a wide smile. He was dressed smartly as usual, sporting a blue waistcoat, white shirt, and black trousers. His usual shiny shoes were coated in mud and dust from the Lemoyne ground.

 

 _Oh hell, here we go. I wish I didn’t know, I’m gonna have to say somethin’… God damn Dutch sending me on a job, God damn that tip, God damn Josiah…_ Arthurs mind raced with thoughts.

 

“I missed you, Arthur. My, um, business, took longer than I expected, I do apologise.” Trelawny glanced around before sitting down next to Arthur and leaning in to kiss him. However, he was stopped by Arthur quickly jerking his head away. Trelawny pulled a confused expression and looked at Arthur. Before he could question his partners actions, Arthur spoke.

 

“I know.” He whispered; his gaze fixed directly in front of him. He wanted to say more, he really did, but Arthur wasn’t good with words, he never had been.

 

“Know what, dear boy… Are you alright?” Trelawny’s smile faltered slightly.

 

Arthur felt his emotions bubble inside him. He didn’t want to ruin it, Josiah made him happy, he made him forget about the pressures he was facing with Dutch, and the gang _. I’ll just forget about it_ , Arthur brooded, _it doesn’t matter, it –_ His trail of thought came to a stop when he looked at Josiah, and all of a sudden he was transported back to the window in Saint Denis. _Fuck this_.

 

Arthur stood up and threw his hands in the air.

 

“Goddammit! Your family Josiah! I heard ‘em! With you!  I-I was out, runnin’ a job for Dutch and I heard! ‘To the Trelawnys, it’s good to be home’, well fuck you Josiah, I heard it all! Your wife, your kids, I heard… I- I – “Arthur trailed off. He wasn’t making sense; he didn’t know how to make sense of his feelings. His hand covered his face as he sighed.

 

“Please, let me explain, Arthur, please…” Trelawny took Arthurs silence as a chance for him to speak, and jumped up from the log he was sitting on. He reached out to touch his arm, but again, Arthur pulled it back.

 

“What is there to explain Josiah! You have a _family_! Kids! You knew I was scared about this, I ain’t been with no one, let alone a fella, since Mary! But I was open with you, I let you in, and now I find out this! You can’t leave your family Josiah, this life, me, it ain’t worth it, it ain’t. What if were out somewhere huh, just us, and you go back to them, an- and you find – you find them… the crosses… I- “Arthur’s rant came to a stop as he realised what this was really about. Eliza. Isaac. He looked at the ground.

 

“I have been a fool Arthur, I do admit that… If you’ll allow me to… I’ll explain” Trelawny took a step back from Arthur to give him time to think, and sat back down on their log. After a few seconds, Arthur looked around his surroundings to check that he hadn’t attracted unwanted attention from his shouting. When he was sure that nobody was around, he nodded.

 

“Go on.”

 

“I do have a wife. And two boys. I married her long before I was involved with this life. I tell her I run off to the ‘office’ or to meet business partners when I stay with the gang. I lie.” Trelawny started.

 

“Do you love her?” Arthur asked softly. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling now. Hurt he guessed. But not anger. He, in a strange sort of way, understood.

 

“I did, once. I think, in a way, I still do, but not in the way I did back then. She knows who she married."

 

“Poor woman.”

 

“When you and I started our relationship, I thought it would be appropriate to keep my life with you and my life with her as far away from each other as possible. To protect her, and us of course. No such luck, I guess… I understand that you’re angry, I should have told you at the very beginning, but I thought it would ruin what we had… I’m so sorry Arthur, I really am” Trelawny’s voice wobbled, the shame clear in his voice. Mirroring Arthur’s earlier position he fixed his gaze on the trees in front of him.

 

“Josiah, look at me”

 

Trelawny refused, shaking his head and covering his face with his hands. He felt Arthur sit down next to him, and gently touched his hands, pulling them away from his face. Trelawny was shocked at the contact, after Arthur had been so reluctant towards him, but their hands remained joined. Arthur began to speak.

 

“I tried to keep this life and Eliza separate. She didn’t deserve to be a part of this, with havin’ the kid and all, it worked, for a while, but... well, you know what happened…”

 

Trelawny knew all too well the events of Arthur’s past. Many nights had been spent with Arthur leaning on Josiah, head on his chest, opening up to him and revealing things about his past that he had told nobody before. Arthur trusted Josiah enough to be vulnerable around him, something which he rarely allowed himself to be with anybody. Trelawny squeezed Arthur’s hand to encourage him to continue.

 

“They died Josiah. It was my fault, I left, I wasn’t there… It hurts me that you didn’t tell me, hell, it was a shock when I heard your voice in that house. I was angry. And upset, God damn I was confused. But now I think I understand”.

 

Trelawny’s face wore a shocked expression. “You do? How? I lied to you, you don’t deserve this Arthur – “

 

“Shh sweetheart” Arthur interrupted, causing the magician to smile at the nickname. He shuffled closed to Trelawny; hands still intertwined.

 

“We had a decent time, you an me. We’ve been through a lot. My life has been turned upside down since Blackwater, but you grounded me, you showed me that it ain’t all bad. You’re clever, you’re funny, you ain’t afraid to run away from this life, this god damn life. But I think you need to run for good. I’ll miss you, I really will, but I’m tied to all this” Arthur waved his hands to gesture to the camp behind them. “It’s gettin’ pretty bad now, we’re losing people, people I cared about. I can’t lose you too. Maybe it was a mistake to even start this…  And you gotta do right by your family, you don’t wanna be involved with gangs and outlaws when you have people who need you. I learnt that a long time ago” Arthurs mind was plagued with images of Mary, Eliza, and Isaac.

 

“Come with me.” Trelawny mumbled faintly, leaning into Arthur.

 

“Hey, you know that ain’t right. Sometimes, you gotta run and don’t look back. I think I’ll tell the same to Marston actually.”

 

Trelawny looked up and placed his hand on Arthur’s cheek.

 

“I love you, dear boy, so very much.”

 

“I love you too darlin’. This whole thing is breakin’ my heart. But just know, my heart was broken a long time ago, and you fixed it.  Thank you.” Arthur felt his voice break, and his eyes became slightly watery. He embraced Josiah, and kissed him.

 

“I don’t want it to be over. I – well, I’ve never felt like this with anybody else. Oh, Arthur, dear Arthur, is this it?” Josiah asked as he pulled away from Arthur, still wrapped up in his arms.

 

“I guess so.” Arthur stood up, causing Josiah to follow. “I don’t want it to be, but it has to be. It’s for the best, I guess. I can’t leave this life, you can’t leave your family…”

 

The two walked with Arthur’s arm around Josiah’s waist, only dropping it when he was sure that the camp was close enough to see. Arthur gave Josiah one last small kiss, before they walked to Josiah’s Appaloosa, and he mounted.

 

“I’m sorry Arthur. I’ll miss you. I really will. You’ve been –“He paused at the sight of Bill staggering past them.

 

“Mornin’” He nodded at the two, before going over to his horse and fixing the saddle, now within distance to hear the conversation he interrupted. Josiah glared over at him before continuing.

 

“You’ve been a fine, um, friend, to me Arthur.” Josiah dipped his hat, causing Arthur to smile and do the same.  “Goodbye, dear boy.” At this, Josiah pulled his horse into a trot, and rode away. Arthur watched until the magician disappeared.

 

Arthur turned and began to walk back to the mansion. _Another good thing wrecked by this goddamn way of life. What’s gonna be next huh? Fuck this, fuck Dutch, I can’t lose another person in my life, I just can’t._ He swung the door open, but before he could get any further, he heard his name being called.

 

“Arthur! Son, get in here! Hosea and I have some ideas about the bank.” Dutch exclaimed from the room to Arthurs right.

 

_Here we go again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do have an idea for a third part so if anybody is interested i will post it!


	3. A mess

_My lord what a god damn mess. Everything. The bank_ _job we planned so hard was a god damn SET UP. Hosea got himself killed, Lenny got shot in the head, Marston got himself arrested and awaiting trial. We fled, leapt on a ship, sailed into a storm, the ship sank. Whole thing like a dream, like a fool’s nightmare. I survived that, and being lost at sea. Got washed ashore on an island called Guarma. We got a boat out of there, just about, after some real nasty fighting. Upon returning, found the folk again. But within a few hours the Pinkertons had found all of us. Old Agent Milton wants us all dead and yet somehow we survived and are now planning another escape._

Arthur closed his journal and sighed. It had been mere hours since the Pinkertons attacked Lakay, and the gang had only just finished trying to patch everyone up. Thinking back to everything that had happened recently, Arthur was tired. Tired of the running, tired of ‘one more score’ and tired of losing people. His heart ached for Hosea and Lenny but there had been no time to mourn.

 

“I think everyone’s sorted now Mr Morgan. I’ve set up somewhere for you to sleep just in this room here. All your things are in there too.” Mrs Grimshaw ushered Arthur into a room and put out her arm. She was holding a letter.

 

“Thanks a lot Mrs Grimshaw. Um, is that for me?” Arthur questioned.

 

“Yes! Sadie found it a few days after you boys went missing. We’ve been keeping it for you ever since. Now get some rest” Mrs Grimshaw bid him goodbye and left.

 

Arthur looked at the letter. It was addressed to him, so whoever had written it must have passed it directly to the gang. Wasting no more time, he opened the seal.

 

_My dear boy,_

_I have missed you, so very much. I read about what happened in the newspaper. My God, I am so sorry my boy. I hope this letter reaches you, sometime, somewhere. If you’re reading this, please, let me know you are alive. I know I let you down my boy, and I don’t deserve your time, but I would love to see you once more. I understand that I was quite the fool, but I need to know you are well. I eagerly await your reply, and you know where to find me._

_All my love,_

_Josiah_

_Shit._ This brought mixed emotions to Arthur’s head. _I’ve just been to hell and back and now I have to deal with this?_ The angry side of Arthur raged, but really, he knew deep down that the only thing he wanted to do was march back into the arms of Josiah Trelawny.

 

“Anythin’ exciting Arthur? Been holdin’ that letter for weeks” Sadie questioned as she poked her head around the door.

 

“No, nothin’” He quickly shoved the letter into his pocket. “Who’s keepin’ guard tonight?”

 

“I’m gonna head out there now. No, don’t even try to complain. You need to rest, you’ve been to God knows where and you look awful, no offence. I’ll see you tomorrow, at Doyle’s Tavern. Gotta sort out Marston, remember?”

 

Arthur nodded and, after putting up a fight, let Sadie leave for guard duty and lay down. He lay awake for a while, pondering things in his head, and trying to brush away the pain in his chest - _It’s just stress._ He thought back to the last time he had seen Trelawny. _Who am I to break up a family? He can’t be involved in this again…_ were his last thoughts before he finally drifted off to sleep.

 

Arthur was awoken by the usual sounds of the gang; however that morning everybody was understandably in low spirits after the events of the previous night. After checking on Tilly and Mary-Beth, he walked outside, only to be doubled over in a fit of coughing as soon as the air hit him.

 

“Hey Arthur, you ok?”

 

He stood up to find himself face to face with Abigail. She looked tired, and upset.

 

“Yeah, yeah, its nothin’. Probably just too much time on that goddamn island.” Arthur replied, nodding his head and reaching for a cup of water Pearson had left on a crate.

 

“Ok then. I best be off, that boy hasn’t been the same since… Anyway, you saved us all last night Arthur. Thanks” Abigail forced a smile and turned to walk away, heading back inside to find Jack.

 

“Abigail, wait!” Arthur shouted after her and beckoned for her to come back. He lowered his voice. “We’ll get him. I promise. Don’t listen to Dutch. Sadie’s got a plan. Me an’ her, we’ll bring him back.”

 

Abigail pulled Arthur into a grateful hug and left. _Right, better head off into Saint Denis then,_ he thought, walking over to his horse that the gang had brought back to Lakay. He mounted up and started to ride. _Gotta stop at the barbers first, should have enough time before meetin’ Sadie. And hey, if I run into Josiah, I run into Josiah. No harm in that…_ Arthur was conflicted. _There’s no way I can get outta this life now we’re in so deep – and he shouldn’t have to be surrounded by this trouble._ He didn’t want to bring Josiah back into his outlaw life again, but after all he had been through, the only person he wanted to see was Trelawny.

 

The ride took about twenty minutes (mostly passed by debating the pros and cons of seeing, or even just writing to Trelawny). First Arthur stopped at the barbers, as his hair and beard had grown to an uncontrollable length after his time in Guarma. Whilst he was getting his hair cut, he finally noticed his appearance in the mirror. He looked unwell. Very unwell. _Must have been all that time in the sun. Surely the others must be sick too? Country boys like us on a tropical island? We’re not made for that…_ he thought to himself. Making a mental note to ask Javier and Bill if they had noticed any surprise illness since returning, he paid the barber and mounted back up. Pulling his horse into a trot he made his way to where Sadie said she would be that afternoon. All of a sudden, Arthur felt dizzy.

 

 _What the hell?_ His thoughts raced as he struggled to catch his breath and steady himself on his horse. His head was spinning.

 

“Slow – cough, cough – down girl” he tried to pull the horse into a stop as his chest was heaving and he was forced to cough. It was a heavy, hacking cough, and Arthur could feel his airwaves closing, causing him to wheeze. _Oh god, is that blood? What…_

 

Then everything was black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a filler chapter. I used some of Arthur's journal in the opening paragraph so credit to rockstar.


	4. I need him

‘You got tuberculosis. I’m really sorry for you son, it’s a hell of a thing.”

 

The past few minutes had been a blur for Arthur. He remembered flashes of trying to reach the doctor’s office, coughing and stumbling his way down the street; the shortness of breath, and the pain he felt when trying to get air into his lungs. He was only half listening when the doctor explained, and gave him a shot. The shock had plagued his mind with other thoughts. _After everything I’ve been through, and this is how its gonna end._ Arthur stood up and left, the doctor’s words ringing in his head over and over, and his mind racing with thoughts of the past.

 

“Oh dear God, it was you my boy! I hoped I wasn’t right, oh no…”

 

Arthur looked up, and leaning against a post to the right of the building was none other than Josiah Trelawny, wearing his usual attire (minus a jacket, due to the heat), and looking frantic with worry.

 

“Josiah? How did – Why are –“ Arthur was confused. _How did he even know I was here?_

 

“I heard some commotion on my way to pick up groceries. I had to investigate, and that’s when I seen you making your way here with a young chap – at least I suspected it was you, I rather wish it had been some other fool… Oh Arthur, what have you gotten yourself into now?” Josiah spoke quickly and his eyes never left contact with Arthur’s.

 

“Josiah I-“ he broke off into a heavy cough. _Not now, please!_ He felt weak, like his legs couldn’t support him any longer. “Give me a minute” He croaked out, inbetween gasping for breath.

 

Josiah moved to support Arthur standing, pulling him so he was holding most of his weight. “There’s a small saloon close to here. I’ll get a room. You can tell me what’s been happening” His eyes were filled with concern.

 

Arthur allowed himself to be led by the smaller man inside the saloon, up the stairs, and into a room. Pushing Josiah away, he sat himself on the bed, trying to regain energy from the walk. Josiah seated himself on the chair opposite.

 

“I’m not pretending it isn’t good to see you my boy, although I wish it was under better circumstances… So, what’s been going on?” He leaned forward slightly, anxiously awaiting Arthur to tell the story.

 

“Well,” Arthur cleared his throat and proceeded to explain the whole ordeal to Josiah, starting with the robbery. “And then I decide to ride in here, only to find out I got god damn tuberculosis. Of all things, TB. I’ve been shot at, punched, kicked, captured by O’ Driscolls, jumped off moving trains and this is how I’m gonna go down. An’ it’s all my god damn fault. All of it” Arthur put his head in his hands. Tears filled his eyes. _Why am I even telling him this? I don’t want him involved goddammit! He doesn’t need this burden!_

 

He felt the bed sink next to him and moments later Josiah had pulled him into a hug, and cradled his face into his chest. He cried – for Sean, Hosea, Lenny, for all the things that had gone wrong since Blackwater.

 

“Shh, Shh Arthur. Let it out, I’m here” Trelawny kissed the top of his head and stroked his hair. “I was so worried. When I dropped off that letter at Shady Belle and nobody had seen you – well I feared the worst. I’m so glad you’re back”

 

Arthur suddenly pulled away from Josiah. “Why are you even here? I’m not a good man, you don’t wanna be around all this shit. I deserve what I got” He turned away, hiding his face; he wasn’t used to opening up to people.

 

“Don’t be silly dear boy. You’re a good man Arthur. You go out of your way to help people, no matter what. I lied to you for months, and, not only did you forgive me, you put me first. Now come back here and lie down. You need to rest”

 

Arthur shook his head at first, but then his eyes softened as he got back onto the bed with Josiah. He lay on his side, and felt Trelawny’s arms around his waist from behind. He began to stroke his side, and Arthur started to feel drowsy.

 

“I was supposed to be meetin’ Mrs Adler…” He mumbled into the pillow. _Marston can wait another day I suppose…_ he pushed his thoughts of the gang to one side. He could hear Josiah whispering in his ear faintly as he fell asleep.

 

Arthur awoke about 3 hours later in a cold sweat, to a tight, restricting pain in his chest. He sat up, trying to supress his coughing to not wake Josiah. No such luck. He began to splutter which quickly turned into another uncontrollable fit. _Great._

 

As soon as Trelawny was alerted to Arthur’s state, he turned on the lamp and began to rub gentle circles into his back to ease him. “Hold on dear boy, I’ll get you something to drink” He stood up and briskly left the room. After what felt like an eternity, he returned holding a mug. “Here, drink this, It’s tea with honey. It’s deemed to be rather good for the chest”

 

Arthur gratefully took it and began to sip. “Thanks. I think its workin’” Once he had drank the majority of the beverage, he set it down on the nightstand, and kissed Trelawny on the top of the head. They returned to their previous position lying down, but this time they were face to face. Trelawny looked concerned, and kept checking Arthur over.

 

“Look Arthur, it’s not really my place to say this, but… I think, given your condition, you need to start a new life. You told me to run and don’t look back. Maybe you should do the same. I’m not telling you it should be with me, or that you should even do it. But just think about it. Please” He pulled Arthur closer to him, almost as if he was worried that he was going to vanish.

 

Arthur sighed. “I’d be lying if I said the past months hadn’t got me thinkin’ ‘bout this. Dutch, he ain’t the same as he used to be. Losin’ Hosea, well, it near killed me. But for Dutch, damn, it’s kinda drivin’ him insane. He’s got this glorified image of what he wants us all to be, an’ honestly, it ain’t gonna end well.” He remembered how Dutch had killed the woman in Guarma, how reckless he was becoming. “Seein’ you today of all days has made me realise that Dutch’s world ain’t somewhere I wanna be anymore” He pushed his face into the crook of Josiah’s neck.

 

“We will work it out dear. And I’ll be here for you, whatever you choose to do. But this is a problem for another time. Its been quite the day, especially for you.”

 

Arthur didn’t reply out loud, but simply took hold of Josiah’s hand. _I need him._


	5. Crossroads

 

It had been a rough few weeks. The gang had moved out of Lakay, and up to Beaver Hollow. Despite getting away from the humidity, Arthur’s condition was gradually getting worse, to the point that others had been noticing the lack of colour in his face and heavy coughs. Nevertheless, Arthur continued to push himself past his limits for Dutch, taking on more jobs and work. The rest of the little energy he had was put into his attempts to help the remaining gang members get away from the outlaw life, which Arthur suspected was coming to an end quicker than they all imagined.

 

Arthur was sitting by the horses, doodling in his journal, before heading out with Charles to help Eagle Flies. He scribbled the birds that flew past him, and the flowers he could see in the distance. After a few minutes, he began to write.

 

_Well, things ain’t getting’ any better. Dutch still isn’t himself. Hell, 10 years ago, Dutch would have stormed into hell itself to save Marston. Now, he don’t give a damn. He acted like me an’ Mrs Adler betrayed him when we brought John back to camp. What a damn shame. I never thought it would turn out like this…_

_Trelawny came back to camp with me after that God awful day. I tried to send him back to his family, but he refused. It’s been nice having him around though I have to admit. He’s been helping me through all this shit. It’s like the old days, before everything went wrong… Sometimes, I just wanna get outta here, with Josiah, and run away. Ain’t never gonna happen though I guess. He want’s me to leave. Badly. Says its bad for my health to be hanging round here. We’ve talked about it, a lot. I suppose I’m scared, Dutch is all I’ve ever known. And now its all gone to shit, I’m kind of at a crossroads. I keep telling Marston to get lost, and take Abigail and Jack with him – they ain’t safe here no more. I kinda want to take my own advice. God, I wish Hosea was here. He would set Dutch straight, get him to send Micah packing. Oh well. I don’t think I can get myself out of this mess._

The shadow of a person was cast over Arthur, and he slapped his journal shut, not wanting Micah or Dutch to get a glimpse. Upon looking up, he relaxed. _Thank God. Josiah._

“Writing about me in there, my boy?” Trelawny joked, sitting down next to Arthur. He looked a little less formal than usual, Arthur noted; he had his waistcoat unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up. However, his shoes were as shiny as ever, and his hair remained in the usual slicked back style.

 

“Only about how annoying you are” Arthur bantered back, bumping Josiah with his shoulder. This was one of the many things he liked about Josiah, he always found a way to distract him from problems. He allowed himself to rest against him for seconds, before moving away. He wished that they could be as affectionate as they wanted in public, however they knew that their relationship had to remain secretive.

 

_Relationship?_ The word confused Arthur. Before Arthur had discovered that Trelawny had a family in Saint Denis, he would have defined himself and Trelawny as ‘in a relationship’. _Now… I don’t know. We’ve been pretty close since we met back up – he’s still married though, ain’t no changin’ that I guess. And now I’m sick, I don’t wanna bother him…_ Arthur tried to push his thoughts to the back of his head. _I’ve got bigger things to worry about now._

“You need to rest, dear boy” Trelawny’s voice was soft. Ever since he found Arthur in Saint Denis, he had been trying to care for him the best he could.

 

“Can’t.” Arthur moved his head slightly to the right, indicating towards Dutch, who was standing outside his tent, watching over Beaver Hollow. Micah was sitting close by; recently the two were rarely apart.

 

Trelawny glanced over, and his eyes met with Dutch’s, whose expression changed upon seeing the two together. He turned his head back towards Arthur quickly, now wary of Dutch watching them. “I need to talk to you. Let’s get out of camp later.” He stood up. “Be safe”. He nodded at Arthur and turned to walk away, in the direction of the coffee pot.

 

As Arthur watched him leave, he noticed Dutch following Trelawny. _Shit._ Dutch had been suspicious of Arthur’s loyalty to the gang since the Marston incident. Trelawny’s presence didn’t help – the compact space of the camp made it hard for the two to talk in private, meaning that Dutch had seen them together frequently.

 

“Mr Trelawny. I didn’t expect to see you here so often… Don’t you usually run off after, well, an hour?” There was venom in Dutch’s voice. He had his suspicions.

 

“Just lending a hand Mr van der Linde, seeing as it seems to be rather empty round here these days doesn’t it!” Josiah gave him a fake smile. Since Arthur had been telling him about Dutch’s change in personality, he had grown to dislike the man.

 

“Hm. I see you’ve been talking a lot with Arthur, I didn’t know you two were good friends - Not planning on taking him with you on your next trip away are you?”

 

From where he was sitting, Arthur watched Trelawny stiffen. _What the hell are they talkin about? Can’t be anythin’ good if it’s made Josiah speechless. He talks to anybody and everybody. Micah’s probably got into his ear again, telling him we’re trying to sneak off…_

Arthur’s view of the two was blocked when Charles stood in his way.

 

“Arthur! You ready to go?” Charles reached his arm towards Arthur for him to grab.

 

He accepted the offer and was pulled to his feet. He felt a coughing fit coming on, but supressed it as best he could, for Charles’ sake. “Sure, Sure. Let’s get” _Well, I guess I won’t find out what went on until tonight._

* * *

 

It was around 10 o clock by the time they rode back into camp. Arthur was exhausted from the shooting, fighting, and riding through the mountains. He hitched his horse next to Charles’ and looked around the camp. _Seems kinda quiet._ He limped back to his tent, still sore after a particularly harsh fight, and looked through his chest for a clean shirt that wasn’t stained with dry blood. He decided on red with a black collar and put his duster coat back on (He hadn’t adjusted to the colder New Hanover temperature after living in the humidity of Lemoyne for months). Sitting on the bed, he grabbed his journal, intending to draw or write, when something flew out. He leaned down to pick it up off the floor and noticed that it was a page ripped out from his journal. Upon a closer look, Arthur realised that it was not his handwriting. _What the hell?_

_Arthur,_

_Hope you don’t mind me taking this page, I didn’t read your journal, I promise! I’ve gone just south of Moonstone pond. When you reach some rocks that spell out ‘New Hanover’, (great idea if you ask me!) you’ll find me._

_Josiah_

Arthur shoved the note in his pocket. _Thank God nobody seen this. Better get goin. Is Dutch asleep? I hope he’s asleep, I doubt he’ll believe that I’m going hunting at this time. Micah can fuck off too, the little rat tells Dutch every move I make recently. Fuck it, I’m heading out. Ah shit, there’s light coming from Dutch’s tent. The flaps are shut though, so he can’t see me… unless his spy is around. Damn, why is this horse so loud? Sh, I’m trying to sneak out here! Damn animal. Great, now I need to cough? Eyes are watering from holding it in. Move you silly horse! Okay, I’m out. Don’t think anyone saw me. Good._

The ride took about 20 minutes, slightly longer than usual in the dark. Arthur noticed a small light in the trees. _Trelawny_.

 

“Hey.” Arthur sounded hoarse.

 

“Ah, my boy, come here, sit down. Sorry I came all the way out here, I didn’t want any eyes on us.” He studied Arthurs face, his features lit up by the lantern that sat close to them. “You don’t look well, I shouldn’t have dragged you here –“

 

“It’s fine, it’s fine. It ain’t that bad” He waved his arms to dismiss Trelawny. “Views kinda pretty here ain’t it. Would be nice to watch the sun come up.” He sat down on the grass next to the magician. “I think I know what you’re gonna say, but go on, what’s on your mind?”

 

“You need to go.”

 

The 4 words brought all the conflict from the past few weeks back to Arthur’s mind. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Trelawny didn’t wait for a reply.

 

“Dutch is suspicious. Mostly of me. You might have seen us talking earlier, he thinks that I am trying to convince you to leave. With me. I pretended otherwise, I told him that I had been giving you tips for robberies and the like, but I’m not sure how far he believed me.”

 

Arthur put his head in his hands. _I don’t know what to do._ He felt Josiah place a hand on his shoulder in attempts to soothe him. Arthur leant into his touch, which Josiah took as an indication to continue his speech.

 

“Arthur, please listen to me. If you want to leave, you’ll have to do it soon. I know you feel the same way as me. You need to get out of this life. I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again, it doesn’t have to be with me. But let me help you go, at least until you get better. You mean so much to me, my boy, I don’t want to see you suffer any more. Please” His words sounded like a plea.

 

“I know. I know all of it. He ain’t the same. I don’t think he ever will be the same. But you gotta understand, he’s been there for me since I was a boy. Taught me everything I knew. Its damn hard to just throw away the past 20 years. I don’t know if I’ve got the strength to let it all go.” He stared out at the open country which was lit up by the stars.

 

“You want John to leave. Why can’t you see that you need to do that too! Arthur, this is killing you. You’ve been through so much already, I know you can be strong now too. I’ll help you, if you’ll have me”

 

Arthur was beginning to get frustrated at the situation. “Suppose we did leave. Where are we gonna go? Huh? I don’t know anything about houses, or land – and I ain’t goin’ without the Marstons, so where would we take them? And we’re still forgetting the problem that split us up in the first place! You. Have. A. Family!” He spat out his final words, adding emphasis onto every syllable.

 

“She left me.” Trelawny admitted, and looked down at his lap, as if he was hanging his head in shame.

 

“Wai- Wha- When did this happen?” Arthur was getting more confused as the night went on.

 

“The night you pulled the robbery in Saint Denis. I think she had known for a while that I’d been running around with you boys. When she seen the mess you got into, I suppose she realised I was too dangerous. We stayed up all night, I tried to fix it, but in the end she only wanted the best for our boys. I deserve it really.” Trelawny sniffed.

 

“Oh darlin’, come here” Arthur slung an arm round Josiah’s shoulder and pulled him tightly towards him, giving him a shoulder to cry on if he needed it. “You could have told me.” He whispered softly. _How many more families, or friendships are gonna be torn apart by God damn Dutch van der Linde? He didn’t deserve this…_

 

“I didn’t want you to think that I was using you. I missed you so much, and I just couldn’t bare the thought of losing you again.”

 

Arthur didn’t reply with words, instead, he wrapped his other arm around the smaller man and held him tight, showing his emotion through his actions. The two stayed like that for a while, content just to hold each other.

 

_Jenny, Davey, Sean, Kieran, Lenny, Hosea, God how many more have to die! For nothin’! Little Jack got kidnapped, Christ, he’s just a boy – and now Josiah is without his family. That whole thing reminds me of Eliza and Isaac. Is there even a point to this anymore? But, Dutch. I can’t abandon loyalty. I guess he has though. He dropped me and John the minute Micah came onto the scene. He’s probably feeding Dutch shit about us right now, telling him we’re the rats. Oh hell, what am I gonna do?_

Arthur thought about everything that had happened over the past few weeks, and for once, put himself first. He knew what he had to do. _I aint gonna survive if I don’t do it._ _I think this is gonna be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to admit to myself._ He took a deep breath.

 

“I’ve gotta do it, haven’t I?” He felt himself on the verge of tears.

 

“Do what, my boy?” Trelawny looked up, hopeful.

“Run. And don’t look back.”


End file.
